This year and I mean 2012 has started off pretty rough. My dad was sick for pretty much all of January and February and I wasn’t aware until after that he actually almost died twice. That’s the most drastic but overall with school conflicting with people in my life that I care about, and family issues that are stated above this year hasn’t started off in a way that I wanted it to be. But on Easter Weekend I shot a 10 minute short film on 16 mm film and I was really proud of it. Unfortunately the people at the lab lost all of it. And there was a second there where I saw everything disappear. I wasn’t upset about the money but the time. 31 hours of work over three days for it to count for nothing. But I was wrong.
I’m now sitting in my bedroom on Monday April 30th 2012, after an overnight shoot to redo the film that was lost. We did it again… we re-planned, re-shot and re-fell in love. This has been one of the most proudest moments in my life. But nothing is going to really give me closure until I have a DVD in my hand and can play it for the ones that I love. I want to show my parents that the thousands of dollars and time they give me isn’t going to nothing. I want to show my girlfriend that I’m not just a crazy guy who screams random film lingo at the movie screen. I actually do know what I’m talking about. And until now I was a little self conscious of my school to be honest. It wasn’t what I pictured for my “university” life. I wanted to go to Ryerson, my mom went there and I wanted to show her that her son is smart and can make it to University. Unfortunately…(not now) but back then I felt unfortunate to enroll into college.
But nothing has really signified the glory of my decision until this moment in time. There is a picture I reblogged that goes as follows:
The difference between life and school is:
School teachers you lessons then gives you tests;
Life gives you tests and you learn the lessons.
But I think this quote applies to college vs university.
All you university folk have you 3 or 4 hour lessons and write you papers and exams.
I sit in a small class with cool teachers, we talk and watch movies…Then we GO OUT INTO THE WORLD and actually do something. I work with my hands, mind, and body. What I have learned through the test of shooting this short film -TWICE- is worlds ahead of anything you will read in a textbook.
So I guess in closing - 2012 has been a tough year but I’m making it through one day at a time, but each day I live I learn, and I have so many people to thank, and not one of those “people” is a textbook. I’m just so happy I’m where I am right now
And on blogs you can write personal stuff that no body truly cares about but it puts your head in a better place right? Well I don’t know but I’m going to do it anyways…now I’m not trying to be emo, or fish for people to care for me but I’ve experienced enough heartache in the passed two days for my liking. My mind hasn’t stopped racing so I’m sorry but I’m just going to say what’s on my mind. I don’t expect anything from anyone because you telling me you’re there if I need anything is a nice gesture but we all know there’s nothing you can say or do to help me so yes you’re sorry to hear this but it’s just a waiting game from here on out.
My dad had a bad cold and cough for two weeks now, pretty bad. He’d cough all night and go purple and gag. But it wasn’t until Thursday night that it was really bad! It hurt me to hear him cough like that, so I offered my assistance as I played COD. Made him tea, got him water, some towels to cool himself with anything. I offered to call an ambulance it didn’t sound good, he said no. I went to bed…and that is where I am angry at myself. 4:00 am Friday morning my mom woke me up to tell me the ambulance is on its way to bring my dad in. That…seemed like two weeks ago was yesterday. I got updates hourly, fluid in his lungs, rock solid phlegm in his chest. They put a tube down his throat, he didn’t like it so they put him under. Tubes through his nose into his stomach to eat, into his lungs so he could breath via a machine. He was doing good, he looked rough yesterday but I slept at ease, the doctor said he was in well condition. This morning he did a lot better than expected. A speedy recover was in the forefront of my mind. Until 7:00. Not only was the whether fucking horrible but he decided…well not really, but still he took a turn for the worst…not death, but close. His left lung was covered in fluid, on the outside. Putting pressure on his heart. So my mom called me and told me I had to get to the hospital as fast as possible…easier said than done during rush hour on ice roads. But I made it, avoided 4 accidents and slid through 5 stop signs. And there he is, in an induced coma with more tubes in his body that a August day water park. And there is my mom, more weak than I have ever seen her before. The woman I lean on when I can’t handle things has turned to me. Not I have to worry about her well being, my own, my dads…our family built so closely on our love that is never said. We never hug or kiss never say I love you and fight quite often, but that is just how we roll. And now there is my mom physically ill with the threat of loosing her true love of over 20 years. And there is me, scared to FUCK about loosing my dad of 20 years. But I had to leave, there was no good for me at the hospital. Whats more critical than his condition is family structure, because I swear if I lost him I wouldn’t be able to carry on. All of this because of a cold, because he didn’t want to go to the doctors! My mind is in every direction, I don’t even know if this entire thing makes sense, but I’m low. I’ve never felt so low. I’ve never lost a family member before so I consider myself lucky, and I’ve never taken life for granted so why does this happen to us? I just can’t handle it, but nothing is stronger than the Megaffin name, through world wars and depression…bad business partners and decades of people. We fight and right now my biggest best friend is fighting for his life, and I can’t do anything to help him! FUCK!